Humorous Scripture Remix

It is time to revisit the theologically important topic of humorous scripture. Please feel free to add any that we missed!

Here is an oldie but goodie, although I guess they are all oldies:

But also some of the Jewish exorcists, who went from place to place, attempted to name over those who had the evil spirits the name of the Lord Jesus, saying, "I adjure you by Jesus whom Paul preaches." Seven sons of one Sceva, a Jewish chief priest, were doing this. And the evil spirit answered and said to them, "I recognize Jesus, and I know about Paul, but who are you?" And the man, in whom was the evil spirit, leaped on them and subdued all of them and overpowered them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded. (Acts 19:13-16)

Woe to the unbeliever who dares to invoke the name of Jesus! The very evil spirit you are attempting to combat will beat you and rob you of your dignity.

More assaults on dignity and modesty (why is that always funny?)

51 And a young man followed him, with nothing but a linen cloth about his body. And they seized him, 52 but he left the linen cloth and ran away naked. (Mark 14:51-52)

The authorities clearly lacked competent police training--grab the arm, not the sleeve.

There are plenty in the Old Testament. One of my favs is rather gruesome I'm afraid:

20 And Ehud came to [the obese King Eglon] as he was sitting alone in his cool roof chamber. And Ehud said, “I have a message from God for you.” And he arose from his seat. 21 And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. 22 And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; (Judges 3:20-22)

I love the image of "Here you go dude, here's a personal message straight from God!".

Minor prophets do humor:

If a liar and deceiver comes and says, 'I will prophesy for you plenty of wine and beer,' he would be just the prophet for this people! (Micah 2:11)

And of course the famous warning to street urchins:

From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord . Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. (2 Kings 2:23-24)

There's always Balaam's Donkey



28 Then the Lord opened the mouth of the donkey, and she said to Balaam, “What have I done to you, that you have struck me these three times?” 29 And Balaam said to the donkey, “Because you have made a fool of me. I wish I had a sword in my hand, for then I would kill you.” 30 And the donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your donkey, on which you have ridden all your life long to this day? Is it my habit to treat you this way?” And he said, “No.” (Num. 22:28-30)




One of my absolute favorites is Gideon's exchange with the Lord in Judges 6:17-18, particularly when Gideon says, "Wait here, will you, while I go get a present for you?" And the Lord, whom I imagine is tapping his foot, says, "Yeah. OK, I'll wait until you get back." 

No bachelor or bridegroom can afford to forget the Greatest. Pick-up line. Ever:

You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love, lovely as Jerusalem,  awesome as an army with banners. (Song of Solomon 6:4)

And we can find sarcasm done right: "No doubt you are the people, and wisdom will die with you." (Job 12:2)  

And it's hard not to admire Paul's selfless afterthought in Acts 26:29, at the conclusion of his hearing before King Agrippa: "I pray God that not only you but all who are listening to me today may become what I am--except for these chains!" 

And guys, don't get Paul angry. You won't like him when he is angry.

In everyone's top five: Abraham's bargaining for Sodom in Genesis 18:23-33.

Have anymore? I need enough so that I can write a book! Come on people!

UPDATE:

Persis (which the biblically ignorant autocorrect keeps changing to "Press")  likes Aaron and his "I didn't do nuttin'" excuse:

My favorite is Aaron trying to make excuses for the golden calf. "So I said to them, ‘Let any who have gold take it off.’ So they gave it to me, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf.” Ex. 32:24 

IOW, don't blame me, bro. It was the people's fault for pressuring me, and the fire's fault for making the darn thing.