Former Pastor, Current Pinhead

Al Stefanelli is an internet atheist—one of the mouth-breathing, bottom-feeding, lower-brow class, definitely not an elite Atheist-Plus. He apparently used to be a pastor. It is easy to understand why he no longer is—he knows less about Christianity and the bible than your average stuffed animal.

Here is Al at his finest. In a recent post he recommends a social experiment, to be conducted in grocery stores and in which the experimenter targets moms with "Christian jewlwery or clothing" shopping with the kids. (Crosses are always dead giveaways that the wearer is a Christian! *Eyeroll.*) Yep, he is suggesting that you should head to the supermarket and approach moms with small children-- but in a sensitive "stealthy but not stalkerish" manner--and then act really, really creepy. Brilliant.

The experiment unfolds. What you are then supposed to say, loud enough for the kids to hear, is

Did you know that if you don’t behave yourself, you will be be tortured and burned to the brink of death and kept in severe and writhing pain forever and ever and ever, with no hope of ever getting away!

Ain’t that special? To avoid a scene, you are to explain:

[I] noticed [you] were a Christian, and [was] just reiterating to [your] child a very common Sunday school lesson.

This is soooooo stupid I felt obliged to add another internet atheist fun fact to the growing list, without attribution but in honor of the ignorance of Al Steffani:

Jack Chick Developed Our Curriculum Myth: This is the certain knowledge among many internet atheists that we get our kindergarten Sunday School materials from Jack Chick. That we send four-year-olds off to class and they return with nicely colored pictures (stay in the lines, Billy-Bob, like your sister/cousin/aunt Billie-Bob did!) of sinners in hell screaming in agony—dancing in flames while being skewered by ferocious demons. In the top center, lording over the entire scene, Satan is laughing, and saying: “it all started when they were bad children who sassed their mammas!” We keep the Crayola factory running day and night with our insatiable demand for red, orange and yellow crayons.

Al goes on to write:

Before they can respond, ask them if they believe what the bible says about hell, and what happens to people who don’t behave. This works no matter if you believe in salvation by grace or by works, as Scripture is so malleable and enigmatic that it won’t take much effort to explain the lighter points of eternal damnation with respect to children.

Al—the bible nowhere teaches "If you don’t behave you will go to hell." Or anything to that effect. If bad behavior gets you to hell, heaven will be empty.

Like I said—it is no surprise he is a former pastor—except that it requires that he actually was one in the first place. That's a scary thought.