Friday, August 08, 2008

A Public Service Announcement

Well alrighty then! You can add to this to the list of things you were probably worried about but now, thanks to the fact that you had the good sense to read this blog, you don’t have to!

Here it is:
Barack Obama is not, I repeat not the antichrist!
I mean, that was certainly keeping me awake at night.

How can we rest assured that there is no 666 birthmark hidden on Obama’s scalp? Well, because so says über-dispensationalist, prophecy guru, and all-around fun guy Tim LaHaye, co-author of the famous Left Behind cash cow series. In an important press release put out by the Christian News Wire, LaHaye tells us:
I can see by the language he uses why people think he [Obama] could be the antichrist, but from my reading of scripture, he doesn't meet the criteria. There is no indication in the Bible that the antichrist will be an American.
I am thankful for men like LaHaye, men who tirelessly perform all the heavy lifting--all that tedious bible reading stuff--so that if he says that Revelation does not teach something like: "and the beast will come from a land called the U.S. of A, and he will support the Designated Hitter rule and Toyota in NASCAR" that we can be pretty darn condfident.

So who is the antichrist? My money is on Chinese actress Zhāng Zǐyí. She was born on 2/9/1979, and 666=(1979+2×9+1)/3. Plus if you add up the numerical value of her name in biblical Hebrew, you get -1, which is awfully suspicious.

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